Do'nt read my blogs because it's about love, "I feel all love stories starts with a question and end with question"? As usual my love is not different than other. There is only two things can happen in a love story, either the guy becomes a Devdas or he is so lonely that he some times can't take the reality. "Do not expect Juliet in this century if you expect believe me you are in a dream" The dream is not the one which you percieve while you are asleep, the real dream is the one which never lets you sleep" Said by APJ Kalam, the man who learnt all his life. If you are still asleep its time for to rise till you do not achieve.
Any ways let me continue and end my love story so to write about what I really am.
How are you, been a long time haven't heard from you? Hope you are as cool as cucumber. Last time when I wrote the letter I was dumb stuck. Hope you are getting well soon and almighty may give you all, to keep you hale and healthy. People say its a little world but why do I meet my dad once in six months if its so little. Why can't we meet if people are so simple and world is small. perhaps I think its not a small world we live as I think.
I tried all my luck to convince your father, but all my efforts went in vain(drain). I did try black magic on your mother but doesn't seem to work either. I don't have any more cards to use because I suppose I m at the verge of loosing. I m quiet amused and fancied with certain doubts in my small brain, which seem to work some times. Firstly I don't think you love me as much as I do and secondly I don't think people in your family like my careless and carefree attitude. I still remember when you said please 'think' about your attitude. Yes the operating word 'think' made me reflect and this letter is result of my reflection. When you said leave me and I don't want you, I could hardly stop smiling at myself. I don't know why I laughed, is that because I m so shy to cry it aloud and forget, or is it because I m a men and we feel we are not allowed to cry.
I suppose my thoughts are as important as yours. I know for a fact that I may not be able to get a girl with your calibre and attitude to marry me, I was surprised when my dad said don't keep your relationship for more than three months, he continued " if you still persist and determined to keep,then marry the girl". I think my dad was right at certain aspect of life, I m sure I have had couple of experiences which makes me feel that he is right. I think that's why almost all love stories break down after certain time. "love looses its shine after some time, I thought of being innovative and keep things exciting however I suppose we are driven more by external force than the internal consciousness". I feel some times are we really living, or our life just by passing us. I m grateful to god and my parents that they have given me pseudo power to decide my fate and
life,
When you left India and didn't even bother to call me, the message was crystal clear. I was like a monkey which doesn't give up even when it knows it will be caught if it holds on to nuts for longer time. How intellect a monkey can be? it doesn't understand that it was a trap and no way out. I felt for while as if I was a monkey and I was trapped in love and lust, but as days went on I could console myself. It was really tough, my sorrow was much bigger than what my soul and body could consume. I started drinking more and I spent all most all my days in bar than any other place, however as eagle doesn't stop flying even after it was hurt. I slowly started flying today if I look back at those days I still feel such an amazing experience to love a person like you and being betrayed is such a great feeling itself. You might think an alky needs a reason to drink but its not true, as I write this letter I want to remind myself and tell you the last time I drunk was on the first of Feb.
I m not blaming you for what had happened and I still want to ponder and ask couple questions to myself, why did this happen? How did this happen? Why did I fall in love? I wanted dig deeper on the essence of love and serenity with lot of compassion. But I realised what Buddha once said' you are your own refuge'. I suppose he was right when he said that, and I started thinking that there could have been solid reason why you choose to move on (you are heading to Venus). When I think back about the days when you loved me so much, I still feel can any one love so much. I m sure I was blessed and I do think, is there anything I can do to get my love back?. I have been trying to find an answer for that question but I don't seem to find one, you can't clap with one hand can you? I doubt whether I will be able to savour those days again in my life with same spirit and youthfulness.
Well life itself is such a game, we lose, we win but we don't enjoy both. When I was talking to my friend, thought of being lonely crossed over to my mind and I started thinking why we are unable to enjoy and feel, the real essence of both failure and success. We feel great when we get everything, but when we lose why do we feel bad. As we all know "there is nothing permanent neither my love nor I, everything is flux still why cant we take both success and failure with the same spirit". I really want to find answer to this question before I bid good bye to all. I feel "if you never marry, you die young"...
If some one asks me to define love, I would say ' True love is not living with the person whom you love, true love is making sure that the person whom you love is happy even after you are not part of that happiness'. So provided you are happy and smiling whole world looks beautiful to me, your smile might add some colours to my boredom ridden life. All I wanted to say is be happy, I m not person who believes in hurting the one who once loved me a lot. If there is anything I can do keep you smiling please do write back to me and I m glad to accede with any suggestions.
I m signing off baby...... I truly love you, I suppose you are the one who taught me what is love and gave me an opportunity to experience the love.
I shall thank you for everything you have taught me so far, it has really made me a better man today.... I wish everyone to love and learn a great deal from it...
I m sure you will get soon..... Cheerio......
With lots of love...
SINCHU.....
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